Please don't get me wrong. It's not the Christmas music per se, but the type of music that's being played. I feel like I'm trapped inside a 1950s Christmas. In place of Slade belting out "Merry Christmas Everybody" we're instead subjected to 1940s/1950s era Christmas song either as originals or covered by small 'singing groups' of a particular (i.e. highly annoying) style of singing. I'm finding myself pining for John Lennon and Yoko Ono's "Happy Christmas (war is over)" with the same intensity with which Jona Lewie pleads for Mr Churchill to "Stop The Cavalry", with which Roy Wood's Wizzard song wishes that it could be Christmas every day (cripes!), and with which Paul McCartney simply wants us to all have a "Wonderful Christmastime". (Actually, forget that Paul McCartney song - I've just remembered how bad it is and that I vowed some years back never to forgive him for writing it.)

Pining for Jona Lewie and Wizzard

By far the most dire of all these "lovable songs from Christmas's past" is "Here Comes Santa Claus" written by Gene Autry and Oakley Haldeman in 1947. What I find most offensive is the blurring of the lines between the Christian message of the Saviour's birth and the modern message of Santa Claus (aka Father Christmas). Here are verses two and three to show my point. Anyone would be forgiven for thinking that Santa is actually Jesus Christ with a white beard and dressed in red!

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus lane
He doesn't care if you're rich or poor
He loves you just the same
Santa knows we're all God's children
That makes everything right
Fill your hearts with Christmas cheer
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight!

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus lane
He'll come around when the chimes ring out
And it's Christmas morn again
Peace on earth will come to all
If we just follow the light
Let's give thanks to the Lord above
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight!

Gene "Songsmith" Autry should have stuck to making movies and singing.

But hold on... it gets worse.

I was eating out at a hotpot restaurant on Wednesday night and a CD was playing in the background. Initially I thought it was Pinky and Perky or The Chipmunks but once the din (i.e. children) from the next table had left I realised it was a children's choir singing a selection of Christmas hits. For some people it might be 'sweet' or 'cute' but for me hearing St Winifred's School Choir singing "There's no-one quite like Grandma" was bad enough without having to listen to them warbling their way through Shakin Stevens' "Merry Christmas Everyone", Madonna's "Holiday", Boney M's "Mary's Boy Child" and, probably the worst Christmas cover version I've ever heard, Wham's "Last Christmas".

St Winifred's School Choir sings Wham